What Now?

I am struggling with this whole blogging/reflection thing that I started.  I'm questioning myself if it was just me, or maybe God didn't really say to go make a blog.  Maybe I'm just confused and thought I heard something.  Well, whatever the case is, this blog is out there... and I'm going to try to make it work, painful as it may be for me to write things down.
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Some people asked me if I felt any different now that I'm a "candidate", and what does "candidate" means, anyway?  I tell them everyone is a "candidate" for heaven, and so that doesn't really make me special or any more holy than they are.  ...I fear that sentiment.  That some how after ordination, I will be perceived as having "special" power that belongs to "holy orders".  In some sense, that is true, but I pray that I won't let that go to my head and fall into the traps of clericalism.  Perhaps it's a good thing that we go through this candidacy process, so that we can practice humility and focus on serving rather than basking in our "candidacy" moment.
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Things are starting to come back to normal here in Seal Beach.  I don't think it'll ever be the same as before, though.  It's like how your skin will never be smooth again after a wound heals.  I'm sad, especially for the loss of innocent lives, and a little bit for the loss of innocence.  My Mayberry by the Sea now holds that unwanted title of the worst massacre in Orange County.  As always, I know God is in control.  I have no doubt that there are greater things that I cannot understand now, and I trust God will reveal his glory to me and the world in his own time.