Life Goes On

I can't remember the last time I wrote in this space.

Well, technically I could look at my last post but I decided to jump straight in and start writing.

Today is the memorial of St. Justin Martyr.  I know very little about him, so I'm not going to meditate on his life but rather on him being a devout convert.

Being a born into a Catholic family, I don't think I treasured my faith like St. Justin.  When I was maybe 7 or 8, I was given an illustrated bible and honestly, most of my Old Testament knowledge was based on fond memories of those action-drawn stories.  My faith was ignited by the heroic deeds of characters like David and Samson.  Sadly though, that's where my faith stay for most of my adult life.  I have very little memory of learning about Jesus outside Sunday's Gospel reading.  Paul was just a guy who got knocked off his horse (which I later found out that there was no mention of a horse!).  Yeah, sure, Jesus is in the wafer.  Jesus hears my confession through father who absolves me of my sins.  Jesus sees everything...  That's the basic catechetical knowledge I carried with me from childhood.  It's not much, but it was enough for me to believe in a demanding God-who-watches-and-records-everything-I-do-and-replay-them-as-evidence-when-I-stand-trial on judgement day.

So in my previous life, when I heard of people converting to the Christian faith, or worse (please don't quote me here), the Catholic faith, my first reaction is usually of shock:  "what? are you in your right mind? do you know what you're getting into?..."  Not very supportive.  Of course, outwardly I'm happily congratulating them on making a great decision, but inside I was thinking "Oh, you poor man/woman..."

Strange as it may, I started to admire the new converts.  They knew their faith and wear their belief on their sleeves.  I on the other hand, was embarrassed even to make the sign of the cross in public.  So I wondered (after many years of denying Christ in public) what is it that the convert got that I didn't get?  I mean, I believe in God, the Trinity, communion of Saints, etc., the whole profession of faith thing.  So, why is it that I don't profess or live my faith like what I "thought" I believed?

I got a hint of the answer when an non-Catholic evangelical asked me if I was saved.  "Of course I'm saved," I replied, "I believed in Jesus and the whole salvation thing!"  "You sure don't act like it," was his reply.  And so my long and windy road of conversion begins.